The Romney campaign committee just announced that the candidate was resting uncomfortably after hearing the news that the Supreme Court found President Obama’s healthcare bill constitutional. A committee spokesperson said that Romney was stricken with a case of scalia (a particularly virulent virus found in broccoli) just before appearing at a breakfast sponsored by the National Pork and Barrel Corporation. But he especially wanted to reassure the undecided voters of America, God bless it, a President Romney would get over it.
Before keeling over into a bowl of grits, Mr. Romney was telling guests at his five-million-dollar-a-plate lunch: “With waiting rooms as crowded as they are for us now, this bill is guaranteed to double the time we spend at our doctor’s office. Now, my friends, no one’s more motivated to secure government medical coverage for myself, and my extended family, than I am. And once I get it, I’ll be able to honestly say I’ll worked for it. Worked every walnut-paneled dining room in every respectable club in America. And that’s how you make it in America. Run! Work! And when you’re not doing either of those things, work it off running, like I’ve been doing! Just look at all the other people out there who are running twenty-four seven and in fifty places at once. Follow their lead. Just because they’re corporations, and it may be ‘things’ they’re running, just the same, they’re really like you, they’re people. I’m sorry folks. You’ll have to excuse me but I’m feeling this attack of scalia coming on. It’s happened on and off, and on and off throughout this campaign. I’ve got to go. My wife’s horsing around, if you know what I mean. Horse prancing. Remember, the answer my friends is to run, and keep running.”
Thanks to the Writers Without Boredom “On The Spot”™ political team: Sal Manella, Neal Downs, Donna Ware, Stan Dare, Les Pleasant, Jess Nokitoff, Lucy Guzzi, Pete Sakes, Kent Hoyt, Ruth Lesse, Sue Happy, Mo Cash, and Lotta Luck.